is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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