I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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