it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
