I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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