I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
love makes seman taste better
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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