and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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