I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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