She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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