My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
