and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
