she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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