What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
