I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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