Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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