I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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