i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
