Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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