is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
