She announced her abortion via fbk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
