I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a search helicopter?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
