I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
