What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
