I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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