I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
