so explain again why im purple
no
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
