i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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