i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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