Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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