I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
