The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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