If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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