Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
