Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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