I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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