I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
