Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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