im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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