I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
