you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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