Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
