if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
