i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
