keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
