I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
