but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
