He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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