I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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