I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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