Kiss
Puke
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
