Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
