Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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